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  • Like many, we also had more lockdowns recently and of course, right as we were confined to our homes, Syntia was inspired to do all sorts of activities and crafting. We didn't have the necessary supplies on hand and we couldn't go get them. It challenged me each time to ask myself: okay, what is she actually asking? What does it consist of? What are the essential elements of it? Can we somehow create that with the materials we DO have on hand? For instance, she wanted to put stickers in a stickerbook. And we had no stickers and no stickerbook. So... what is a stickerbook? It's a book that you can put stickers in. Okay, then... what is a book? It's a number of pages that is in some way bound or put together so that you can flip through it. Okay - that's do-able. What about stickers? It's an image on paper or plastic that I can stick on a surface... Oh, well then, sure - Let's do this! Again a reminder not to wait for 'the perfect conditions' or for 'all the points to be in place' before we allow ourselves to do something - but to start right where we're at with what is available. When we think there's some really important piece/thing we don't have that we're missing, asking ourselves some questions about what that thing would do for us, what is its purpose/its essence - can help clarify alternative ways to achieve the same results 😉.
  • Cesar gave Syntia his train tracks about a year ago, and before they were hers, she would play with them together with Cesar. She's had a ton of time to learn the different pieces, how to put them together and build a track, but for some reason, she DID NOT want to build a track by herself and most of all preferred to just watch as someone else built the track for her. Lj and I knew she was perfectly capable of building a track for herself and we tried to support her to start small and show herself that she can do it. Or that we'd be here if she gets stuck, but she can at least try on her own. Any such attempts, however, were met with an absolute and firm refusal. So, we did it with her, or for her. We started wondering, is this little girl really just taking advantage of us at this point? Are we entertaining this too much? Should we push harder? We knew she could do it, she knew she could do it, but for some reason she just didn't want to do it, at least, not yet. And then one day, out of the blue, she takes out her blocks and starts building a track... by herself. Lj quietly waived me over, pointing at her, then signing 'shhht', lol - didn't want to disturb the moment. The track you see in the pic is the first one she built by herself. It wasn't a "beginner's" track like a simple circle or a straight line, it was a more intricate design laid out exactly and precisely how she wanted it to be, including all the elements she wanted to have as a part of it. Kabam, out of the blue. There are other things where Syntia 'took her sweet time', like learning how to walk and potty training, where it was clear at some point that she was able to do it, but for some reason, pulled back or didn't want to do it all by herself just yet. It's so easy as parents to freak out over that, to think that children should develop skills in a particular way, like 'starting small' or doing something by yourself as soon as you're able to. But not all kids are the same in this. [Continued in comments..]
  • When Cesar got his first bycicle this week it quickly became clear that we'd have to get one for Syntia too. So, yesterday we took her to the shop and we told her she'd get to pick out her own bike. When we showed her a bike her size she was at first psyched about it, but she also noticed many other vehicles for little ones. And after trying out some of the other ones, she didn't want anything to do with the bycicle anymore. Lj and I explained why we'd suggested an actual bycicle over a ride on toy car, but she'd already made up her mind. We considered our options for a moment. We knew that coming home and seeing Cesar's bike again, she might want to ride one of those instead, we also knew a bike would last her longer and that she'd want to go with on bike rides, but... we'd also said she'd get to pick. We could have waltzed through her choice and gotten her the bike we thought was best, but then we'd be undermining her and ourselves as well by not living our words. While we could see the potential of her enjoying riding a bike, knowing that yes, it would take a learning curve but she'd also get the hang of it quite quickly, that was just not where she was at. I also remembered so many times being told I would get to choose something and when push came to shove, someone else made the final call and usually it wasn't what I had chosen. They would have good reasons and considerations for it, but it didn't give me the chance to figure those out for myself. So, a push car it is. Indeed, when she saw Cesar's bike, she wanted to ride one of those again and yes, when Gian and Cesar went out on a bike ride last night she wanted to go with and she couldn't keep up, but she's also enjoyed hours playing with her push car. We reminded her of her choice and what the natural consequences and limitations are. There was no tantrums or drama, she understood and accepted responsibility for her choice. When she's ready to make the switch, we'll be here to support her.
  • Leila and I had been talking about getting chalks to do drawings on the floor with the kids, but we'd either keep forgetting to look for them or when we did remember, the shops we were at didn't have them. Then one day Syntia was playing with what looked like a black rock that she'd found, and as she was scratching it on the floor, it was drawing black lines. I looked at the 'rock' a bit closer and it turned out to be a small shard of charcoal, a remnant from our last braai. Since then we've been using charcoal to make drawings on the pavement. All the time we were waiting to get 'the right tool' to draw with, we had a perfectly capable alternative readily available. It was a good reminder not to wait for the supposedly 'perfect conditions' or 'perfect tools' before starting or doing something I've been wanting to do. You know those thoughts where you go 'oh but once I have this or that sorted, it will be so much easier to get going on that other point'. And then when this and that is sorted, this other point doesn't at all seem to be easier to get started on, lol. How often in our lives do we put things off because of the so-called circumstances not being ideal? Convincing ourselves that it just wasn't the right time, that things just didn't work out or that we just didn't have access to what we needed to do it properly... No matter when or with what we eventually get started, what will always be the most crucial part is that self-movement, that decision, that initiative and that self-will... to just start.
  • A few months ago we were faced with an important decision: whether or not we would be staying in South Africa where we have built our lives over the course of the past 10 years, or whether we would leave the country. A decision of this magnitude that pertains to uprooting your life and raises questions about your continued livelihood, tends to activate all sorts of fears and survival programming. As parents we make decisions on behalf of others all the time. Sometimes these are small decisions, sometimes they will forever change the course of not only our own lives, but that of others as well. When I found myself faced with this a decision, one that did not only involve me, my children, my animals, but also the lives of others in the community we’ve been living in – I felt overcome by insecurity, doubt and worry. What took me by surprise the most was not the extent of the decision, or the plethora of factors and dimensions we needed to consider, the multitude of options we needed to explore and compute... it was ME: seeing that I didn’t have anything to stand on. It wasn’t so much the decision making itself that I feared, it was not knowing how to even approach such a decision and trust myself within it. Link to the blog in bio.. . . #decisionmaking #decisions #emigrating #feelinginqdequate #frozen #hotomakeadecision #leavingmycountry #leavingmyhome #lifechanges #lifechangingdecisions #lost #overwhelmed #panama #south africa #principles #selfhonesty #startingover #unrest #walkingintotheunknown
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