How often do we use manipulation tactics to get our children to behave in a way that we think is best? Even when we have on a conscious level let go of the practice of punishing and rewarding, we’ll at times notice ourselves trying to assert ourselves as authority, or inadvertently deny them the opportunity to do something their way. In this podcast I share some of my own journey in learning to stop imposing my views, beliefs and ideas unto my daughter, and giving the space for her to develop her own powers of assertion. Perhaps more importantly, however, I share how we as parents can learn to free ourselves from the biases we’ve accepted and adopted as kids, teenagers and young adults – to learn to take ownership of our decisions, choices and actions and take the paths that honor and are most supportive for our unique and individual selves. Enjoy!
![Cesar gave Syntia his train tracks about a year ago, and before they were hers, she would play with them together with Cesar. She's had a ton of time to learn the different pieces, how to put them together and build a track, but for some reason, she DID NOT want to build a track by herself and most of all preferred to just watch as someone else built the track for her.
Lj and I knew she was perfectly capable of building a track for herself and we tried to support her to start small and show herself that she can do it. Or that we'd be here if she gets stuck, but she can at least try on her own. Any such attempts, however, were met with an absolute and firm refusal. So, we did it with her, or for her.
We started wondering, is this little girl really just taking advantage of us at this point? Are we entertaining this too much? Should we push harder? We knew she could do it, she knew she could do it, but for some reason she just didn't want to do it, at least, not yet.
And then one day, out of the blue, she takes out her blocks and starts building a track... by herself. Lj quietly waived me over, pointing at her, then signing 'shhht', lol - didn't want to disturb the moment. The track you see in the pic is the first one she built by herself. It wasn't a "beginner's" track like a simple circle or a straight line, it was a more intricate design laid out exactly and precisely how she wanted it to be, including all the elements she wanted to have as a part of it. Kabam, out of the blue.
There are other things where Syntia 'took her sweet time', like learning how to walk and potty training, where it was clear at some point that she was able to do it, but for some reason, pulled back or didn't want to do it all by herself just yet. It's so easy as parents to freak out over that, to think that children should develop skills in a particular way, like 'starting small' or doing something by yourself as soon as you're able to. But not all kids are the same in this. [Continued in comments..]](https://scontent-dfw5-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.29350-15/135216034_868657797266702_107582540258970761_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=c4dd86&_nc_ohc=Z1V8WJUUqosAX-4LmjA&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&oh=00_AfCJjAXVxtNiIi6gvUUl0MZd6cdkXtaHW6r2JeZgYPVE-A&oe=64DB2E92)
